Saturday, July 7, 2012

Open Letter to Rick Santorum

Raped and pregnant? Don't worry, Rick's got your back (against a wall).

While you might not be so inclined to read this page... ever, I still put my name out there as a writer and an American to talk man to man with you about a few things. There was a terrible gloom that passed over this country while you were promoting yourself and by reading this you could definitely come clean with all of us, whatever side we wish to be on; be it Republican, Democrat, liberal, conservative or your personal favorite: Nuts. Your bread and butter as a senator was, is and shall always be the deep pockets and fear motivated looney tunes of the right. Standing ready, I shall wait for the barrage of claims that I am a liberal jerk by people that have a very vague understanding of what liberal means.

I kept track of your campaign for one reason: it was hilarious! Its clear also that most people thought the same, and it wasn't hard to find the not-so-hidden joke in everything you said. That thing about Obama supporting our enemies; this of course as Bin Laden was being fed to fish: Classic.

That whole thing about Clinton being the most corrupt morally; which by that logic, total crook Nixon and slave banger Jefferson are not as bad: Comedy gold! Your idea about making oral sex illegal; because undoubtedly you've not tried it: Left me in stitches. I dare say, it is almost a let down that your run was cut short because if there is one thing I love watching more that a car crashing and burning, Its a whole idea dying in its hospital bed.

One high note of your greatest hits collection in your stint as the republican's possible MVP was your stance on abortion and contraception. This was where you were a true viking, make no mistake.
 According to you:

"One of the things I will talk about that no president has talked about before is … the dangers of contraception in this country, the whole sexual libertine idea. It's not okay because it's a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. They're supposed to be within marriage, for purposes that are, yes, conjugal … but also procreative."

Something you said during your recent run. While I can see your point, it's still stupid and deserving of disagreement. People aren't going to stop having sex just because they're not married, Rick. Sex isn't an act of rebellion that can be enforced by laws of the land and isn't going to stop being the funnest human to human activity. I think the course of human history will tell you that every time people were persecuted for the act of fucking by a system, the system crumbled after. Even Jesus refused to cast stones towards these sins (crack open that Bible you love so much and look up John 8:7).

Which brings me to my counterpoint to your point. You, the GOP and the rest of the right are always very quick to defend the belief that not only are abortions wrong and murderous, and even having kids out of wedlock is also a no-no. Hell, you took that concept and rammed it in its ass further by saying that even PREVENTING pregnancy was a bad idea. These points are all things that the right wing has every right to believe and follow to the "T" if they so choose. Where the window clouds up is when after our married and sanctified couples produce an unaffordable amount of hungry, unruly germ-balls kids and suddenly those holier than thou parents can't afford to feed them. What are they to do at this point? Republicans and other conservatives in this country love to spread their guilt against those that sign up for and collect welfare benefits just to support their lives. AM Radio is loaded with loudmouths that will complain in constant streams about the very little they pay in taxes for everyone's dumb-ass kids. It is, of course, no surprise that you have supported this argument and have used this device to your advantage.

And you should! Those lousy baby machine mooches! How dare they?! Leeching off the system and rob the wealthy of money they easily can pay! You and your constituency have the right to protest the losers that don't contemplate consequence and screw before thinking. If only they had a way of preventing the occurrence of pregnancy from happening, then we would be able to afford our speed boats, jet skis and other midlife crisis mobiles, instead of paying for these Jerry Springer guests to procreate. Couldn't they just control the natural and pleasurable biological need of sex and just go into the bathrooms of their trailers or outhouses to spank the monkey? Wouldn't the world be a far better place too if we were all blessed with children that roam the streets pick pocketing and looting supermarkets so they can eat. I sure hope my sarcasm makes itself clear because I cannot lay it any thicker in written word.

The solution to abort children early might seem drastic and awful but to make people not even try to plan their future families is taking the rights of Americans pursuit of happiness and throwing it to the rocks. Just because a couple have sex, that doesn't mean they have to make another $270,000 lifetime gamble. Why shouldn't we be allowed to wear a condom, put an IUD in place, or get shots until they are mentally and financially ready to have kids? Furthermore, whats wrong with the taxpayer dollar funding such preventive measures? For God's sake Rick, you don't have to be an economist to see the big expensive picture of having a child and deciding that a $5 box of rubbers is a much better investment for taxpayers than a messy, ugly $600 abortion operation or even worse a $270,000 kid. Make up your minds and pick an option that works because one doesn't always have cake and eat it in the real world.

If there is one thing I and many other Americans can't stand more than welfare brats, its having politicians take more and more liberty in deciding where we screw, how we screw and who we screw. I hate high taxes, and I know taxes go higher with every accidental miracle that didn't get pulled out and end up a stain on an air mattress. Sex isn't something that the law will have any control or regulation over. Abortion isn't a new concept or trend, its something practiced for millions of years by women frightened of raising a child in a world this fucked up or ashamed because a man either raped them or left them. Its also a question of personal health; many women become accidentally pregnant and have to make a choice of having a baby that might not last long due to birth defects or harm to the mother. It goes beyond financing a child; it becomes a question of whats worse: losing two lives or just one that barely has a shot.

I will give your "anti" stance on abortion the benefit of the doubt by saying that there should be a time limit of up to three months and then its no turning back. At which point most of you conservatives throw out the idea that most unprepared mothers should consider adoption. I don't know if you or any of the Faux News crowd are paying attention but adopted kids are not always so happy to know that someone else is raising them (I personally know people raised by adoptive parents and they're a complete mess). Doesn't it sort of seem like permanent foster parenting? Adding insult to injury is that most parents looking to adopt don't look to American children, they set sights to China or who knows where else. This isn't of course to save the kids but rather to have this accessory to buy a ticket to heaven. "Exploitation" is the word I think of. Never mind the starving and pathless children here, you have a trophy to show off (made in China too). These are the truths that flaw the industry of adoption. That's right, I said "industry" and I might spend an hour in Hell for saying that after I die.

Contraception is saving America every day. Our rights to choose what happens to our genitals is one example of the greatest freedoms we have. And you, Rick Dick Santo' almost took that right away from us and tried to make us into oppressive pilgrims. I will not let you try to tell us that populating the country with unwanted and unplanned children is God's will. I wonder at times if you or your supporters know God at all. You know the Pope and the Catholic system (not the same thing as God). If you're still not convinced of all these facts (which I am certain you aren't) then have fun wiping your ass with our rights and the rest of us can plan on breaking all those stupid little rules, the same rules you care so much about jamming down our throats.

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