Friday, October 5, 2012

Things conservatives need to get used to: America needs liberals.

Often times when I talk to conservatives (if I must), all I  hear is slander against "liberals"; as if they're an infectious disease. Most normal people, myself included, just think of the far-out hippie leftist crowd as a minor annoyance; a group that only sinks their own ship by proposing we bite off more resources and tax dollars that can be chewed or afforded. Other times they're just wanting "free everything" and as little responsibility with that freedom as possible; a desire all of us have and even the most staunch conservatives wouldn't deny.

No matter how loud they can get, how much weed they smoke, abortions they undergo or support, or who they choose to sleep with, they're no real threat. If anything, they often remind us all that freedom is being more and more dwindled and this gets proven whenever notable libs speak out in controversy and the most notable reactions are "shut ups" from Bill O'reilly. Doesn't telling some one to "shut up" violate the freedom of speech clause of the First Amendment?

Liberalism is a term for the idea of being free. Another way to describe to be liberal is to believe in liberty. Free to speak your mind, worship a God you see fit (or not worship at all), own a gun, support my government if I agree with them or call bullshit if I don't, and suck a dick if my partner of legal age consents to it. If you're having an enormous chip on your shoulder about liberals, than your hostility is overkill and totally misdirected. You might be jealous as well. Truth is, liberals are your bread and butter...

Imagine a world without liberals! No one to ever complain about the destruction on the environment. I'm sure we'd all get used to breathing in an atmosphere full of Hummer smog. None of those abortion rights activists would be around, so society can have every trailer park home stuffed with unwanted and unplanned miracles either packed in a double-wide like sardines or running loose through town as cockney pick-pockets. Liberals also like getting in everyone's face about civil rights; so without them, your possibly-future-gay children can have their asses beat daily by the so-called "patriots". A world that nightmarish hasn't been seem since Germany in WWII and we all know how THAT went.

There are far worse threats to our great red white and blue than Liberals. Did they pilot the planes on September 11th 2001? No. Are they trying to molest alter boys? Definitely not, in fact most corrupt priests wear the badge of conservatism proudly- even as they're caught.

Do Libs saturate the media with their bullshit on a 24 basis and publish enough books of propaganda to stock an entire section of Barnes and Noble? As always- I'll report, you decide.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Fox proves (again) that it is neither fair nor balanced...

My unlikely Republican readers:

Please tell me how you could possibly side with the RNC and further explain how Fox isn't a propaganda factory that is far more aggressive and unfair than MSNBC, CNN or any other new organization could ever dream...

No seriously, watch this clip and explain to me how Fox is EVER consistent, fair, and above all, right...

How is it that Fox thinks that  no one will notice this? The Daily Show appeals to a wide range of the young, educated and ambitious... and Fox is for old fucks? What chance do you have for the future?

"I think Fox just found a new slogan: Just Shut Up and Watch..."- Jon Stewart

Please educate me...

I will warn you. If you are stupid in your response I will exploit it...


Sunday, September 9, 2012

The American Opiate Open Letter to Ann Coulter

Like with my open letter to Rick Dick Santo- there is little chance of you ever reading this entry. You're a busy gal and are likely not to give two shits about what an angry blog has to tell you. That being said, it's important to note that most open letters are rarely written JUST for the subject in mind. I hope that the following finds a way to you or at the very least, a fan of yours...

It must be very tough to be you. Being the female voice-piece of the Conservative Right, and also keeping an image that Republican women can hold their own in a media dominated by men that secretly would rather see you in the kitchen or on your knees. These things are all in a days work. The stage of your show might also feel like the most unforgiving grade school talent show when you can't speak as reckless and irresponsible as the First Amendment allows. You poor dear.

All this pressure might have accrued into a thirsty rage in need of a quenching from a mimosa or two. After all, the Republican National Convention, while a great battle cry against Obama, dramatically fell short. I could rake through liberal-biased reviews for hours on what went wrong (like no mention of GW Bush or the troops) but I got shit to do and you probably don't care. Clint Eastwood talking to an empty chair was the highlight and that's where I rest my case. The night belonged to a the Right but it went wrong by fizzling out; looking like a festival of contradiction. This is all preaching to the choir since you are the poster "lady" of the Republicans. You saw all the spectacle.

So when those Democrats pulled out all the stops and delivered their lineup of colorful figures, inspirational speeches, and catchy slogans Republicans had sorely lacked- it must have hurt your pride. How dare they upstage your allies?!

As all this unfolded before your eyes and stirred your inner child. But this was no ordinary mentality of adolescence. It was the kind that most keep inside and only imagine they could say. The average TV viewer gets to flip off the screen, cuss out loud, or make that amusing "jerk off" hand motion (C'mon you've made that gesture, am I right!?). But alas, you were low on options and no amount of jeering could break through the thunderous applause. In the face of a lost battle you turned to twitter.

 “Bill Clinton just impregnated Sandra Fluke backstage” Defamation.

 “They’re spicing things up with a live abortion on stage!" That's low, Ann.

“To get Bill Clinton to speak at the convention, Obama had to agree to carry his bags.” Racist?

  “Monica Lewinsky somewhere, sobbing, clutching stained dress and eating Haagen Das by the Tv light… Four cats yawning.” 
Who were you trying to dig into there?
Judging by these tweets, it sounds like you spent the night clutching a bottle of Hooch.

Apparently, no one hijacked your twitter account and posted this nonsense on your name; this was YOU! Ann Coulter: the law graduate, author of several books and political pundit. Had your name not been attached to these, I would have sworn this to be a drunk, high school conservative. Tweets like these beg to question your integrity and call for an examination by the American people if you know at all what you're talking about. And this time you can't blame the liberal media- it's all you. 

This isn't the first time you've been ballsy with your words because you are a repeat offender. You have the right to speak your mind which is the most important right we have under our Constitution. What you've failed to realize is that the public has lost more faith in whether they can take you seriously or not. You might be feeling as if you've been castrated by the liberal media, but the fast is this: you throw yourself under the bus almost all the time. May I also point out the most un-American things you've ever said:
How in the Hell can you call yourself a patriot? Do you love America at all?

Lets look at your take on our troops:
"No wonder you guys lost!" To a disabled Vietnam war vet and head of the Vietnam Veterans or America foundation.

What is your thought on Muslims around the world?
"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." Oh! Because that worked so well in the Crusades. Have you EVER read a history book?

You've refused to be mature on the issues and it isn't just yourself that you make look bad. Think about all of the upstanding Republican women that aren't as irresponsible and stupid as you. With every unwarranted slander you utter, you set a negative stereo of real women that believe in being civil and reserved, rather than just loud and glib.

Didn't you write a book years ago about slander and how the liberal media uses it to smear your colleagues? Oh yeah, you did and it was called "Slander". Are you going to write a book entitled "Hypocrite" as well, or how about "Vulgar" or "Bitch"? Better for me to ask, did you even write that book?

The list can go on and if you keep this up, it will. Seeing Bill Clinton must have felt like a kick to the nuts- but your tweet “Bill Clinton just impregnated Sandra Fluke backstage” made it only look like the Republican Conservatives were jealous of those glory days when Bubba was Commander and Chief. 

But the slander you serve isn't just from the recent DNC; it gets worse the more people view your CV. Calling John Edwards a "faggot"? What are you, a frat boy? Grow up! You're a lawyer and you're representing women; you should act accordingly. Women have worked very hard fighting a system that would otherwise keep them in the kitchen all their lives and you respect none of that by viciously foaming at the mouth that they're all "Godless" liberals.

Maybe living in the bubble of Fox News has blinded you, but a lot of people think you're full of shit. This (again) is not liberal slander- I actually HEAR that from other Republicans. And none of them will apologize for it because you have yet to show any sign of mature humility in regards to the things you've said over the years. That is simply childish. In response, you'll even try to throw the left wing under the bus and accuse them of saying far worse than you do and to that I have only this to say:

Attention Maddow! please put Ann on MSNBC.
The day when Racheal Maddow calls you a "cunt" on MSNBC, will be the moment libs owe you an apology.

(for more Mann Coulter madness scroll below the blog for the Youtube video bar of Ann's greatest bloopers)

Monday, September 3, 2012

Really, Mr Akin?

I am not a woman so I cannot really give a comment to what they feel when they're raped, or pregnant with no or limited options. Regardless of this- there is nothing but pure rage in me when MEN attempt to speak on a woman's behalf, especially when it comes to sore subjects, like equality or their rights. A man, whether Conservative or Liberal, has no business trying to define rape towards a woman. Todd Akin has recklessly and without forethought said that any woman that has been "legitimately" raped her reproductive organs will shut down a pregnancy. There is no medical evidence that proves this at all. It was simply said in the vein to take a cheap stab at pro-choice advocates and progressive women.     

What I am about to state might sound sexist but I don't fucking care. NO MAN has any right to talk about what rape is, what makes it legitimate, or how a woman should birth and keep a rape baby. When a man goes to prison, gets held down and impregnated by a fellow inmate then he can talk some shit, but that isn't going to happen. 

Its become clear that sexist Republican males like Mr. Akin have declared war on women's rights because they only want women to fulfill 1 role: cooking, cleaning, and cranking out babies. True Story.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Things Conservatives Need To Get Used To: Obama Won

Of course, but people are asking for a lot more than that, Mitt.
In the beginning of Barack Obama's presidency the biggest request of his critics was for him to validate himself as an American citizen by releasing his birth certificate. First big hole in that idea is that Obama probably had to do that before he even thought about running for political office in the first place (he was a senator, remember?). He also attended college, became a lawyer, got married, got student loans, had children, and probably has had to fill out documents in order to prove that he was a natural U.S. citizen. If you have to give your Social Security Number to get a video store membership or credit card then it is doubtful one can become President of the United States with a phony birth certificate. Actually, genuine common sense will tell you that election officials probably ask for a lot of candidates before they can even run, let alone get elected.

That didn't stop the Right from having a media field day when Obama finally put his document out there, which they all claim is fake. And here comes common sense to tell people that all that denial was a predictable defense for the blight-wing to put up with no support. If you can't prove it is real than you can't prove that it is fake, either.

Besides that, there was fault in the whole plan of trying to out Obama as foreign born in the first place. If it were true then why wasn't it revealed BEFORE we made our votes? If the "birthers" are right, then they're also the biggest procrastinators to ever organize. Where the fuck where they six months prior to the race in 2008? Obama is now four years in office; you're too late and there is no taking back that he won fair and square (unlike the first time his predecessor ran in 2000). But this article isn't a fluff piece or a defense for our current Commander in Chief. That would be against what American Opiate is about because Obama has plenty of people defending him for his disappointing first term.

There is a real issue at hand and it's moment in the light has come (and this time, early). As of this date, Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has yet to release his tax returns and his reasoning why is shady. He also hasn't told us why he has money in the Cayman Islands. The cherry on top is the mystery surrounding what he did or didn't do at Bain Capital. What has Faux News done to help him come clean and clear his name? Nothing (obviously). In a chance to fess up he insulted our motives and intelligence:

(my comments are in parenthesis) 
"I just have to say that given the challenges that America faces, 23 million people out of work, Iran about to become nuclear, one of every six Americans in poverty (distract much?) –the fascination with the taxes I pay, I find it to be small-minded (Asking for a birth certificate after Obama won is small-minded) compared to the broad issues that we face. But I did go back and look at my taxes, and over the past 10 years I never paid less than 13 percent. I think the most recent year is 13.6 (I paid more and make money that you use as toilet paper) or something like that." ("or something like that?" what the fuck, Mitt- get your facts straight.). -from the Washington Post.

And when Mitt does pay up, will Faux and the conspiracy nuts deny it?
Will Donald Trump -who heckled Obama to release his birth certificate- beg on the Faux and Friends show for Mitt to be a sport? Don't hold your breath. But why not? Wouldn't Donald prefer an honest businessman to run the country and not a slimy prick with shady morals and awful hair? Never mind. Wouldn't Faux want to show that it's fair and balanced by asking Mitt to just be honest about how he got to be so successful and what he stands to gain if President? Fat chance.

Hypocrisy runs deep in politics and if you're going to be running the country then our public figures need to follow through when the masses make a request. Obama came clean and the Right put themselves in total denial in response.What does that say about America and the Republicans? Most Americans have to provide 5 years worth of tax returns, credit reports, and all our financial information just to get a mortgage. It is clear that if Mitt wants to live in the White House, he should fork over the papers.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Friday, August 17, 2012

Bible Lessons Republican Conservatives Might Be Ignoring:

Whenever I am listening to, or reading about conservative Americans, many of them play the "Bible" card. Especially now, since so much in America is changing: gays want the right to marry, pot might be legalized soon, and oh yeah... the President is now black. As to be expected, many of the right wing that supposedly love Jesus Christ aren't to happy about all this, so they're pitching a bitch. For many of them, The Bible is the ultimate answer key or rather an excuse for their ignorance. The Bible is, as we all know, the most important and popular books ever written. So popular in fact that the biggest fans of the Good Book can't take it's contents as great metaphors; instead, they take it quite serious and literal.

Oh- fuckin'- please....
Could "let there be light" be a great look at how God orchestrated the Big Bang? Oh no, The Lord lit his flatulence and the universe was born. Is Noah's Ark a great story parable of a man protecting what little good was left in the world and those things were worth fighting for? Nope, it's a historical fact and Noah had a pet dinosaur.

Before I get sentenced to Hell...
I haven't written this essay in some liberal effort to shoot down Christianity and promote anything against God; in fact, I am doing the opposite. I would hope and yes, even pray that this entry helps real believers to challenge and question those that preach the word and live lives as immoral and hypocritical as unbelievers lead. Politicians on the right wing are constantly asking the world to respect Christianity, but how can they ask the world to do what this when they constantly act in a way that would make Jesus flip tables and cry out as he did in Matthew 21:12?

If these things don't make your blood boil then may the Lord have mercy on your right wing soul...

Is there a garage elevator in Heaven for my Lexus?:
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” Mark 10:25 

This verse might not be something you'll hear out of  Bush, Romney, or Limbaugh and  it isn't hard to see why, since these men are ridiculously, filthy, fucking rich. Those guys might think that there is a velvet upholstered, plushy, gold throne waiting for them in heaven, but Jesus (a poor Jew and what Christians believe was, and is still, the messiah) clearly said otherwise. When it comes to The Bible, it can be hard to tell what metaphor is used to describe what was meant, but it is safe to say that a camel will not fit through such a small hole.

It's even more doubtful that republicans like Rush Limbaugh, Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich could even fit through the front gates into Heaven.

Old (not so) faithfuls:
"You shall not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14
Mankind is weak. Before Jesus came along, an adulterous man or woman would got tied to a post and stoned for cheating on their spouses. When this measure didn't help people be more faithful to their significant others, Jesus took on the ultimate punishment so that people wouldn't have to spend an eternity in Hell, playing "catch the rock with your face". We all sin, and even for the most righteous men, it is difficult not to cheat on their wives and vice versa. Personally, I don't judge those who have made the mistake of giving in to the sins of the flesh and Jesus told us all to cast the first stone if we thought we were so spiritually clean. What confuses me, is when the "holiest of thou" do and still act like their shit smells rosy...

Republicans hunger for the day to chuck rocks at Bill Clinton for merely getting a blowjob from an intern. Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh, Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart and the late (thank you, God) Strom Thurmond- all cheated on their wives. Hell, evangelist Ted Haggard screwed around with MEN behing his wife's back! And these are just a few examples of Republicans that couldn't keep it in their pants for the sake of their marriages. So why are these men- who would have suffered a severe stoning in the Old Testament days- so opposed to gay marriage?

And speaking of marriage:
 “I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel.” Malachi 2:16

I don't smile often but when I do it's because Ann Coulter is on Faux News
Another question: Why do so many Republicans who have gotten divorced have such an attitude against homosexuals tying the knot, since God actually says that he does hate divorce?

Did Rush Limbaugh miss that section or just is he just ignoring it, thinking that he will never have to answer for his sins? Conservatives constantly talk of the sanctity of marriage, meanwhile setting bad examples of matrimony. 

So these are just a few examples of why right wingers should really stop using The Bible as the ultimate excuse for what is actually just their bad habits of bigotry, self- righteousness, and dishonesty. Entire books have been written about this very phenomenon of Christians not being very Christ-like and then acting as if they still have God's blessing. These publications rarely get promotion or attention from AM radio conservatives that foam at the mouth in the idea of gays getting hitched and Bill Clinton being sorely missed by many. Why not? It is a simple argument for honest consistency, not an attack against God's good Word.

Perhaps this was the very reason that our founding fathers wanted to keep
church and state separate. Still not convinced? Check out these quotes from our nations founders.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Frank Zappa

These days being conservative means protesting taxes you'll never have to pay
Don't worry kid, no one wants your fucking legos!

 and bitching about social changes that have yet to even happen and won't affect you anyways.
Although there is a chance of a Flavor-aid/cyanide cocktail party at the 700 Club.

But it wasn't always this way- some conservatives actually still believed in freedom of choice and freedom of speech. Frank Zappa was that man and he identifies himself as a conservative on Crossfire in 1986.

That didn't mean that there wasn't a rich group of camera-ready right-wingers that would favor the almighty dollar, their almighty image and their almighty opinions over all others. Those same dicks like to thumb their noses at people for merely having an opinion that isn't aligned with theirs. So in this video notice how Frank doesn't even get to say a damned thing and his detractors ask him a question and don't even give Frank a chance to explain his point. Something Faux does this with liberal most of the time.

Here is a similar video...  (a parody from Cleese and Chapman).

Monday, August 13, 2012

Papa Johns crabbin'...

 Recently Papa John's founder John Schnatter  came out of the Rich dick Republican closet by not only supporting Mitt Romney, but adding on the "dick" points by saying that Obamacare would affect his pizza empire. Or the price you'll end up paying to make yourself fatter and more in need of Obamacare.

"Our best estimate is that the Obamacare will cost 11 to 14 cents per pizza, or 15 to 20 cents per order from a corporate basis," Schnatter said.- 

Cracker, Please...

I've worked in the pizza business in a former life and can proudly call bullshit on this whole idea. First of all, to offset the 11-14 or 15-20 raise in cost, all they would have to do is reduce the amount of toppings and extras. Papa John's employees could be told to sacrifice 4-6 pepperonis or sausages. Maybe, go lighter on the veggies. The consumers aren't likely to notice. How about that stupid pepper that comes in every box, when did I ask for that shit? I don't really NEED that with my pizza, so you can get rid of that as well. Every single time that I've eaten PJ's pizza at a potluck, everyone ignores that little vat of garlic grease sauce.

Yeah, this dumb shit.
So fuck it, there is some the overhead Papa's Johns pizza that could do away with and no one would care; in fact, I propose as a consumer that I be allowed to just buy those extras based on my own call rather than have that fat and spice just handed to me. 

While I am not trying to tell Big Papa J how to run his business, or in a better case, open my own pizzeria- this latest outburst from Big Food INC is an example of something that has been in the air lately: crappy, overpriced, and fattening shit of food having some sort of political agenda. Chick-fil-a's president CEO got all butt-hurt over gays getting married and now "the big papa" is complaining that he might have to pay higher insurance rates and provide his staff with healthcare. Obviously, John Schnatter isn't concerned with the health of his employees enough to want to charge a little more or, at the very least, cut back on the crap. Has he taken the time to think of the difference a healthy employee can make on a business? I am sure that Papa John's employees make shit for pay, so the least you can do is help keep them healthy enough to show up for work. It's a Win-win, Papa.

Furthermore, America, let me ask this: Do we need Papa John's Pizza if the extra 20 cents will seriously break the bank? For 5 bucks you'll get a decent pizza at Little Caesars. In fact, your local pizzeria owned by a hard-working family probably makes a better pie. Pizza isn't a meal to be had every day anyways, so with a country struggling with an obesity epidemic, perhaps the pizza business doesn't need to be our social compass for what is good for Americans. 

And as for supporting Chick-fil-a by lining up around the corner to stuff your face with fried chicken- always know this: there is no victory in killing your health for the sake of making a political stance. There is only diabetes, obesity, a greasy film in your intestines, or a heart that will one day say "fuck it, I quit" and stop beating. Meanwhile though, keep in mind this: Gay probably people eat a lot better than you do, will likely outlive you and still get married.

Was it worth it, "cock"gobbler?

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Saturday, August 11, 2012

A (real) liberal's open letter to Hollywood

With the next election drawing near, now its time for the most pretentious among you to purchase $10,000 a plate dinners in support of Obama's newest campaign and most of us that are on the same side politically won't stop you there. I certainly couldn't afford to hand him such support and wouldn't even if I could; Barack needs to win votes based on his 4 year resume, not his rich friends of tinsel town. Personally, I think his chances look better every time Mitt speaks.

Thanks for helping Barack, if he hasn't thanked you already. But that doesn't mean you all still don't piss me off occationally. It's not that I don't appreciate all your hard work as entertainers, but most of the entertainment business needs a reality check.

I am referring to the actors, producers, directors, some writers, and let's not forget those musicians that pump out the same thoughtless crap year after year.  You contribute to entertaining me as my temporary escape from a cruel reality that I face every day on an income that most of you could use to wipe your ass. The end result most of the time is artless movies and music. For example: you remade fucking Spiderman and it was barely a decade old! Eat my ass! I gave you my box office support in 2002 and liked it the first time, so that's all you're getting out of me.

So with all my personal irks of bad decision making in regard to whatever you expect me to see or listen to out of the way, I need to give you my first point. Many leftists like myself are getting a bit tired of you pretending you give a shit... about anything. Every damn time I turn on the TV and Hollywood is showing us its charitable side, I can only the see the smugness of people that have it so easy. Bono could cut a check and buy groceries for starving kids from his yacht, Madonna should give up her limo if she cares about global warming and take a fucking bus, and if Lady Gaga wants to make a pro-gay marriage statement, she can just say so without looking like a fool in a dress made of raw meat. Bono knows some people that could've eaten that meat. There is a world that needs genuine help- it is not a time for free publicity.

If it hasn't been made clear yet, then I will tell you as plain as I can: whenever celebrities make a social or political stance, the message either misses the point, is insincere. confusing, unclear, or looks like a blatant PR stunt. The issues at hand in politics affect people in the real world and maybe being in Hollywood is like being in Oz, but no matter what happens in Washington, actors and pop musicians have little to worry about. If the world ended tomorrow, your spot on any ark to save humanity is more guaranteed than mine.

So please quit saying that you're on our side and get off your soapbox, 'cause the box you stand on is a lot more expensive than the one I have to use. I don't have the millions to support the ideas I find sound, all I can do is write this blog, vote, and pray that leaders put in place don't sell my dreams to China. If you want to make a difference, then be honest, clear, and generous without being pompous douchebags or otherwise stick to your profession- entertaining.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Law and Disorder: Does the one create the other?

Throughout America's 236 plus history, laws have been proposed, passed, enforced, changed and/or repealed. Most of our laws make perfect sense to have like not killing people, not stealing, not having sex with kids or people who say "No thanks, you're ugly.". There are, of course, laws that are ridiculous and unenforceable wastes of time and resources. For example, in Florida it is illegal to sell your children; apparently that must have been a problem. A lot has been written about our country's dumbest laws, and most of this material is best left for the Hallmark book section to be given as a gift to your politically up to speed grandfather on his birthday. If you want an even more expansive list of American wastes of time made into laws then go for GOOGLE .

Politicians on the hill and/or over the hill have been trying to past for 2 centuries as a means of controlling the public or in efforts to appease the masses that voted them into office. While most lawmakers are simply reacting to a situation that requires stiff and decisive action most of the time they're only making a biased statement against something they find wrong based only on opinions. Every year, millions of taxpayer dollars are wasted on the writing, voting, passing and enforcement of rules that were made only because a small group of people found something offensive.

Other laws are made because major smear campaigns are conducted when certain interests were threatened. If you haven't noticed big business loves making laws in good order to keep laughing to the bank. Anyone that is someone in America knows that William Randolph Hearst ran the charge to make Marijuana illegal because hemp would have been an inexpensive source to make paper, and that would have killed his profits in the timber business. He won because-as we all know- money talks and bullshit walks.

To this day, a man sitting on his ass all day, doing bong hits and watching cartoons is an immoral threat to society... keep telling yourself that and it might become true. 

Politicians and religious groups take the cake in the proposal of some of the most nonsense and unjust laws ever. When political figures make laws its rarely to protect and serve. Even worse, most of the laws made never create jobs and actually are financial and moral black holes. Don't believe me? Then just Wiki "Prohibition" and read about how the moral majority helped the growth of the mob. Everything in our constitution is centered around expanding the freedom of the greatest country in the world EXCEPT for Prohibition. Imagine in the 1920's looking at our amendments and suddenly seeing the inconsistency of the Volstead Act; you can say whatever you want and shoot guns but don't drink.

So with the Religious right-wing constantly on the offense against your free will and happiness, I choose to make a few points to better inform the world of the possible consequences of creating such laws. What kind of laws you might ask? Let us explore this.

Alabama lawmaker, hard at work
 You can't buy a dildo in 'Bama:
Believe it or not the state of Alabama you can't sell sex toys or purchase them. The state were women could probably use them most because their husbands are likely oppressive, redneck assholes. The law actually forbids pleasure, the kind of pleasure that harms no one, creates children and keeps couples together. If the sole purpose of a dildo was to shove it into the ass of an unsuspecting person against their will, I would understand- but we all know that is not the case. Alabama: still a host of "white only" proms and social events also takes the liberty of deciding how you have sex, even when you're alone.

New York: home of the slightly smaller Big Gulp: 
Announced recently, New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg, wants to place a ban on sodas that are sized 16 ounces or larger. No shit, people; this is real. While so far, the law has not been passed as of yet, all that would have to be done is for someone to cry out "public health" and viola, the 7-11 staple becomes illegal. I really don't care to go into all the reasons as to why such a proposal was even considered because I value my personal sanity. New York with all of its homelessness, muggers, pimps, crackwhores, escorts, drug dealers, and $2,500 studio apartments, yet, somehow the giant, bladder-busting soda will destroy the city. What-the-fuck-ever.

Does anyone have a gym sock and a roll of tape?
Michelle Bachmann's deep throat:
Its no secret that "old crazy eyes" Michelle Bachmann is a bat-shit insane conspiracy theorist. Currently she is trying to throw a middle eastern woman under the bus, accusing her of being a member of the Muslim Brotherhood because... she's brown, and Bachmann really doesn't need the facts. Along with being incredibly stupid, she also promised to ban pornography.

and now it is time for...

Life? Liberty? Pursuit of happiness?
What are you a liberal?
Arguing against Gang-Banners:
Now this is a subject all in itself, as porn has been on the docks for banning since the first caveman drew a picture of him and his cave gal fucking on a cave wall in the year "1". Watching people do God's funnest activity is the reason most people have sex. Its not immoral, its good advertising.

The day porno becomes illegal is the day that all federal regulation on the art goes away. Currently, in order to produce porn there are rules: the actors and models must be 18 and you cannot portray them as younger. The performers also can't pretend they're being raped or actually be getting raped on camera. And lets not forget that you cannot film the porn stars pleasuring animals. Some of these rules are bent by many porn companies and they suffer consequences for breaking those laws.  Point is, the legit porn industry is thriving and not going away, there are too many closet case perverts in politics and churches that are supporting the art.

So if and when porn gets made illegal, the black market will catch up in short order. I don't know if you're aware, but the black market of ANY industry follows no codes, rules, or laws. The black market porn industry will rape children and record it with no second thought and those who put the laws of banning pornography in place will be partly responsible for this.

If you choose not to believe me then consider this: Pot is illegal... still, and guess what: People can obtain it easier than they can buy beer. Pot dealers do not ask for ID's, and won't refuse you if you are already stoned. Ganja sellers pay no taxes for sales and operate everywhere regardless of who is president or what proposals get signed into law. People smoke pot every day and as long as they don't get caught by the pigs, they'll continue to do so.

Its clear to see: ban something, and then anything goes- so the problem actually gets worse.

We don't need more laws, the ones that are the most important are already established, like not killing, raping or stealing. We also don't need to enforce a law on the size of a fucking soda because its is a total waste of taxpayer dollars. I, as well as millions of Americans are sick to our back teeth of getting parking tickets while real criminals continue to make meth, molest kids, and murder the innocent. Real crooks on Wall Street and in Washington are getting away with illegally depleting our resources, but apparently that isn't as bad as smoking a harmless plant that makes you hungry, happy, and sleepy.

If you are offended by porn, violence on TV, or Howard Stern jerking it on the radio, then why not exercise the most important freedom we have and change the fucking channel. Don't waste our money and time on stupid laws that eventually get disobeyed.

So to conclude this piece, heed my words and please think before you vote. Because there are some people  out there that even want to ban the simple and natural act of jacking off, and if you're begging for me to prove it- then check out this totally "not a witch" conservative try to make you feel bad about waxing your carrot:

If God didn't want you to do it, he would have made your arms shorter

If this video doesn't work, then ridiculous SOPA laws went into effect and my point was further proven.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Google Censors Blogger!

I just received an email from Google,
My comments are written in bold parenthesis. 

This is a warning email to alert you that there is action required to bring your AdSense account into compliance with our AdSense program policies. We’ve provided additional details below, along with the actions to be taken on your part.

Affected website:

Example page where violation occurred:

Action required: Please make changes to your site within 72 hours.

Current account status: Active

(Like the kind I am feeling right now!) explanation

(OR REALITY) : As stated in our program policies, AdSense publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with violent or disturbing content, including sites with gory text or images.  More information about this policy can be found in our help center ( ).

How to resolve:

If you received a notification in regards to page content, please either remove the content from your site or remove ads from the violating pages. If you received a notification in regards to the way ads are implemented on your site, please make the necessary changes to your implementation. We will automatically review the site again after 72 hours. You do not need to contact us if you make changes. Please be aware that if changes are not made within the required time frame, ad serving will be disabled to the affected website listed above.

Additionally, please be aware that the URL above is just an example and that the same violations may exist on other pages of this website or other sites that you own. To reduce the likelihood of future warnings from us, we suggest that you review all your sites for compliance. For more information regarding our policy warning notifications, visit our Help Center:

We thank you in advance for your cooperation
(You're so very welcome.).  
The Google (M)AdSense Team

To my readers, critics, fans or those simply passing through: If you think you are living in a free country then you are sadly mistaken. I was recently served this email from Google regarding my recent post about the Westboro Baptist Church about an hour ago. I really don't give two shits if Google suspends my adsense account for this website because in case you were wondering, IT DOESN'T PAY SQUAT! So to whoever reported me for having a picture of a occupy protester with his face bleeding from a fucking pig beating him up, just always understand this: YOU are the problem with America.

I didn't start this website to make a profit or throw any one group under the bus. American Opiate was an "I call bullshit" reaction to a world gone mad and an exercise of the most important amendment in our Constitution: The FIRST one! If my articles offend you then comment on each piece at the end or just move on to another blog. If Google wants me to further censor my work, I will take all my articles to another place where I am not stifled by pussies. Until then, I will keep my postings uncut.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Is Sarah Palin a hero? I report, you decide.

Photo from

Never mind the obvious. This picture looks like she is obviously saying "YAY! I love Chick-Fil-A! Thanks for making sure gay people can't get married!". As if Adam and Steve getting hitched really affected her way of life. While I'd love to go on and on about CFA's recent PR fuck-up I'll just go with KFC and hope that Chick gets invaded by shemales. I choose rather to take my aim at someone who gets way too much credit for contributing so little. 

Since when do we award ignorance? While that might seem a vague question- it deserves to be asked as to why this political talking head gets so much credit and praise for actions that would otherwise ruin the image or career of an ordinary, working class person (like you, the reader).

The fact is, Sarah Palin is not a hero- and I would hope there are registered Republicans who agree that she is just a cheerleader for the right. You're not "rogue" if you don't finish what you start- but so many people gave a standing ovation to her walking away from her job as the governor of Alaska. You are also not a model parent if your daughter gets pregnant by a douchebag. If someone like the average American has children out of wedlock, the religious right-wing crowd won't give you the time of day- unless your Bristol Palin. The right had a lot to say about NOT criticizing her for the mistake that her daughter made, but in an alternate universe the right wouldn't have been so fair to a Democrat parent having a child that made a similar mistake. Does anyone perhaps remember her giving a speech while reading notes on her hand? In speech class that would give you an "F" ... in middle school...even if you were in the "special class".

If you're still thinking I am playing the Liberal card then just take a look at our lives compared to the Palin clan. The inequality inherent in our society becomes more clear the closer you look. Let's say that I quit my job because I'm not happy with the "way things work"- I'm not looked upon favorably. In that regard, I'm just a quitter and an unemployed burden to the state. Perhaps it was better that I stick around and try my best to change things by staying in the game? But if you're Sarah, leaving halfway through gets you a job at Faux News.

If the majority of conservatives really look up to these kinds of people then its no wonder their side has such opposition. If all this doesn't make you go "hmmmm" then consider this: 

If McCain had not picked her as a running mate, do you think Obama be in the White House today?

Things Conservatives Need To Get Used To: Gay Marriage

Attention Conservatives,

I don't know if you've ever looked away from Faux News long enough to notice, or have been distracted by other nonsense, but turn down Mike Savage's meltdown on the radio and spend a few minutes to read on...

These are things you just have to accept. Let's start with something that many of you think is so damned important.

I think its very important to start with the facts about myself personally seeing that I am the writer of this post: I am not gay. I am a straight, white, all American male that isn't attracted to the same sex. I have a female fiance (That was born female!). So with that being said, don't start resorting to calling me a 'fag' or just because I have rebutted your pro-hate argument. Besides that, the word "fag" doesn't mean homosexual anymore thanks to South Park: click here for an explanation to that.

So why would I give a shit about gay people trying to marry? I don't know; why do you give a shit?

You conservatives are always trying to impede on the lives and liberties of other people. Whether its gays trying to marry or black people trying to avoid getting beaten by the police, the oppression seems to be fun for you. Even if the outcome of such unions or progressions affects you or affects you very little, you seem to think that the issue is all about YOU. Believe it or not, you conservatives are not the only people that have to live in this country and you might just have to have a gay co-worker, relative, or teacher in your kid's school.

First you gave mixed race couples a lot of shit for joining together and having lives. You conservatives even marched to Capital Hill to protest those marriages and somehow tried to relate it to communism(?). What a surprise; it didn't work. You can't tell people who to love and who they should join together with and form families. I guess conservatives fear the success of mixed race people like:

Yeah, that guy.

Now you're getting all butt-hurt for gays getting or wanting to get hitched. It wouldn't affect you, your economy or your way of life, gays aren't really for trying to convert people like door to door religious salesmen (they just joke about it). What the fuck is your deal? Gays have been trying to fight the image of being promiscuous since the 1980's AIDS epidemic. Now they want to show that they can be just as upstanding as the typical American family and you want to block them. How about obeying our Declaration of Independence and treat people as equals- or do you simply want to deny a group of Americans that right...again. 

Either way, two men getting hitched isn't going to cause the wrath of God. People against interracial marriage tried to promote this notion and as I mentioned it didn't work and we've yet to see any wrath. Oh, in case you want to start bring up any current natural disasters then here is a final thought:

Hurricanes and earthquakes are caused by barometric pressures and tectonic plates shifting, not Adam and Steve or Ellen and Eve.  

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Terrorism in the USA: The Westboro Baptist Church

If you can also spot the Nazi-esque anti-semtism YOU WIN!

The website defines terrorism as follows:




1.the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes.

2. the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
3. a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government.
Now unless you lived under a rock for the years since September 11th 2001 you'll know clearly that America isn't very found of the idea of, the acts of, or the threats of terrorism. We've made this known repeatedly throughout our history even prior to 9/11, because before we began our hunt for Osama, terrorism had a much whiter faces attached to the crimes (ie: Timothy McViegh, The unabomber, and the centennial park bomber). Our attention spans shifted to the more international lines of terror, mostly brown people and/or Muslims. As this weapon of mass distraction was fed more into the media, (both liberal and conservative forms) there seemed to be a blindness to terrorism. While we were all so worried about the guy that works at our local quickie-marts we ignored and refused to care about that which was brewing in our own country. In our blood thirsty decade of hunting the men miles from us and finding no weapons of mass destruction and not even finding our chief villain of 9/11 (until Obama stepped up), we ignored the presence of the hate/fear mongers that were harassing the families of fallen heroes of our military. 
One of these groups seems to be dead set on making the private affairs and sexual orientations of people into a high priority. This is the agenda of the Westboro Baptist Church: to make the gay and lesbians of America feel threaten and terrorized by blaming the downfall of society on homosexuals. While this organization prides itself on following the Bible chapter of Leviticus down to a science, the idea of the New Testament (a half of the Bible where God became far more forgiving of sinners) isn't so important to them at all. This church's main hobby in terrorism is scaring Americans with signs telling us that GOD HATES FAGS, FAGS DOOM NATIONS and other forms of homophobia that are meant to strike fear into the hearts of not just the gay communities but suburbanite heterosexuals as well. They've displayed little to no respect for America as they have protested and demonstrated outside the funerals of men and women, whether straight or gay, those that died in Iraq and Afghanistan; even as they were fighting to defend the first amendment which they hide behind rather than exercise. To make matters worse and to add to their status as a terrorist organization, they're recruiting continuously.
So when I saw that picture above, it made me think. I'm certain it gave your mind a workout as well, because it makes a lot of sense. While the "Occupy" gathered little steam and ended up appearing like a gigantic mess of irresponsible liberalism, the message was sound: Wall Street was being greedy, mishandling money and making us all suffer. The movement could have perhaps become less of a travesty if the police and government had simply let them have their be voice heard; there was no need to intervene on a good idea. But, with all those people up-top- scared to lose a penny from a hippie ever being right- the riot crews stepped in and escalated the problem. 
Good job, pigs.  
He got more action here than in Iraq.
Regardless, the situation was mishandled and resources were wasted on an unarmed and harmless group. Hundreds went jail and tear gas filled the air. Nothing was accomplished and the pigs still keep going to the bank. Wouldn't such hostilities be better spent on a more deserving people? Not to advocate violence against anyone speaking their minds... but were is the justice and equality in Westboro's agenda? There isn't one because in the mind of a religious terrorist organization, equality is sin.
These people are only protesting so that they can have the right to persecute, harass and ultimately judge those that are doing no harm to them. They defend and encourage violence against the LGBT community and take credit for gay suicide, as if they had loaded the gun, tied the rope or gave them the pills. If they had the quarter to do so they would arrest a gay member of your family. Your son, daughter or loved one could be at risk. Imagine them becoming the next inquisition, it is a goal they have in mind and that is not the freedom that makes America thrive; that is the terrorism that will doom us more than and gay person or group ever will.
Leaving a burning cross on someone's property isn't littering?
We wouldn't let Al Qadea  hold a rally. Hamas wouldn't be allowed at your son's cemetery in your lifetime. Yet, a bunch of harmless protesters get tear-gas and a nightstick beating? Whats wrong with THAT picture? We'll even let the KKK protest at pro-civil rights monuments! The Ku Klux Klan: A real terrorist organization with a track record of killing people over their race and we let them adopt highways? Its ridiculous and there is no denying it to even the most patriotic of Americans.  
Don't take crap from international terrorists as our ever probing FBI proves to us daily and we shouldn't ignore these people, either. Attitudes and reactions to groups need to be changed. Those who truly threaten and truly hate deserve the tear gas and nightstick treatment. Leave liberals alone- they're no threat to anyone when compared to true American Terrorists. 

Monday, July 9, 2012

Faux and its Cowardly Jab at Jon Stewart

For the record: I refuse to refer to Faux News in its proper spelling...

Faux News has been the news media nexus for conservatism for a number of years. Also they've been the biggest supporters of presidents like Bush, the failed McCain election and recently Mitt Romney's run for the office. There hasn't been a far right source for media that matters to the 40+ crowd of Bible belt types since the insane Wally George entertained people with his "my way or the highway approach".

And good for them. I personally believe that the right deserve to have their own media outlet to turn to for information about the world and our nation. It would be unfair if Americans only had one opinion fed to them by the mainstream media. There greatest things about our country is our freedom of choice and having many of those choices. The left, for example, have MSNBC (and they're not nearly as aggressive as Faux).

Where Faux commits a foul and totally gets away with it is when they assume that the left is stupid and will never call them out. For those of us that don't take the world of politics so seriously and want a laugh once in a while, we turn to Jon Stewart. The Daily Show has been good ever since Craig Kilborn left the show and Jon took over in 1998. Its also no surprise that the humor of TDS aims to call out idiocy displayed by the right (and admit it, they have a tendency to be hilarious).

Too stupid to even be a "bitch".

Stewart and his conservative satire-saturated counterpart- Stephen Colbert, have also been armed and ready for the retaliation. Great example: Colbert is a fake conservative that makes the right look like self-absorbed ass hats (all in good fun).

Jon Stewart puts America's crone in his place.
Jealous much, Bill?
So of course like four-feet-tall, pathetic pussies on the playground, Faux sucker punches Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report for "making a lot of money". It is, of course, a cowardly move since Jon Stewart and Colbert are currently on a hiatus and have no chance of delivering a rebuttal in time for the public to remember. Faux once again proves also that they favor attacking an entertainer and never throw a rock at millionaires that hold bank accounts in the Cayman Islands and Mitt Romney has such accounts. So what does Mitt need to hide? There is nothing shadier that a rich man with money that he feels he must hide- drug dealers are notorious for laundering cash this way.

All that being said Faux as proven that they never play fair. So when Jon gets back to work, neither should he or Colbert. Furthermore, if Faux wants so badly to take a dig on the left and The Daily Show than Rupert Murdoch needs to put his money on the line, put comedian Dennis Miller behind a desk and see if they can make some laughs at a liberal's expense. This would be far more noble than swinging at a notable and important voice of reason while he is taking a well-deserved break.

All you'd have to do first is make Dennis Miller funny.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Open Letter to Rick Santorum

Raped and pregnant? Don't worry, Rick's got your back (against a wall).

While you might not be so inclined to read this page... ever, I still put my name out there as a writer and an American to talk man to man with you about a few things. There was a terrible gloom that passed over this country while you were promoting yourself and by reading this you could definitely come clean with all of us, whatever side we wish to be on; be it Republican, Democrat, liberal, conservative or your personal favorite: Nuts. Your bread and butter as a senator was, is and shall always be the deep pockets and fear motivated looney tunes of the right. Standing ready, I shall wait for the barrage of claims that I am a liberal jerk by people that have a very vague understanding of what liberal means.

I kept track of your campaign for one reason: it was hilarious! Its clear also that most people thought the same, and it wasn't hard to find the not-so-hidden joke in everything you said. That thing about Obama supporting our enemies; this of course as Bin Laden was being fed to fish: Classic.

That whole thing about Clinton being the most corrupt morally; which by that logic, total crook Nixon and slave banger Jefferson are not as bad: Comedy gold! Your idea about making oral sex illegal; because undoubtedly you've not tried it: Left me in stitches. I dare say, it is almost a let down that your run was cut short because if there is one thing I love watching more that a car crashing and burning, Its a whole idea dying in its hospital bed.

One high note of your greatest hits collection in your stint as the republican's possible MVP was your stance on abortion and contraception. This was where you were a true viking, make no mistake.
 According to you:

"One of the things I will talk about that no president has talked about before is … the dangers of contraception in this country, the whole sexual libertine idea. It's not okay because it's a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. They're supposed to be within marriage, for purposes that are, yes, conjugal … but also procreative."

Something you said during your recent run. While I can see your point, it's still stupid and deserving of disagreement. People aren't going to stop having sex just because they're not married, Rick. Sex isn't an act of rebellion that can be enforced by laws of the land and isn't going to stop being the funnest human to human activity. I think the course of human history will tell you that every time people were persecuted for the act of fucking by a system, the system crumbled after. Even Jesus refused to cast stones towards these sins (crack open that Bible you love so much and look up John 8:7).

Which brings me to my counterpoint to your point. You, the GOP and the rest of the right are always very quick to defend the belief that not only are abortions wrong and murderous, and even having kids out of wedlock is also a no-no. Hell, you took that concept and rammed it in its ass further by saying that even PREVENTING pregnancy was a bad idea. These points are all things that the right wing has every right to believe and follow to the "T" if they so choose. Where the window clouds up is when after our married and sanctified couples produce an unaffordable amount of hungry, unruly germ-balls kids and suddenly those holier than thou parents can't afford to feed them. What are they to do at this point? Republicans and other conservatives in this country love to spread their guilt against those that sign up for and collect welfare benefits just to support their lives. AM Radio is loaded with loudmouths that will complain in constant streams about the very little they pay in taxes for everyone's dumb-ass kids. It is, of course, no surprise that you have supported this argument and have used this device to your advantage.

And you should! Those lousy baby machine mooches! How dare they?! Leeching off the system and rob the wealthy of money they easily can pay! You and your constituency have the right to protest the losers that don't contemplate consequence and screw before thinking. If only they had a way of preventing the occurrence of pregnancy from happening, then we would be able to afford our speed boats, jet skis and other midlife crisis mobiles, instead of paying for these Jerry Springer guests to procreate. Couldn't they just control the natural and pleasurable biological need of sex and just go into the bathrooms of their trailers or outhouses to spank the monkey? Wouldn't the world be a far better place too if we were all blessed with children that roam the streets pick pocketing and looting supermarkets so they can eat. I sure hope my sarcasm makes itself clear because I cannot lay it any thicker in written word.

The solution to abort children early might seem drastic and awful but to make people not even try to plan their future families is taking the rights of Americans pursuit of happiness and throwing it to the rocks. Just because a couple have sex, that doesn't mean they have to make another $270,000 lifetime gamble. Why shouldn't we be allowed to wear a condom, put an IUD in place, or get shots until they are mentally and financially ready to have kids? Furthermore, whats wrong with the taxpayer dollar funding such preventive measures? For God's sake Rick, you don't have to be an economist to see the big expensive picture of having a child and deciding that a $5 box of rubbers is a much better investment for taxpayers than a messy, ugly $600 abortion operation or even worse a $270,000 kid. Make up your minds and pick an option that works because one doesn't always have cake and eat it in the real world.

If there is one thing I and many other Americans can't stand more than welfare brats, its having politicians take more and more liberty in deciding where we screw, how we screw and who we screw. I hate high taxes, and I know taxes go higher with every accidental miracle that didn't get pulled out and end up a stain on an air mattress. Sex isn't something that the law will have any control or regulation over. Abortion isn't a new concept or trend, its something practiced for millions of years by women frightened of raising a child in a world this fucked up or ashamed because a man either raped them or left them. Its also a question of personal health; many women become accidentally pregnant and have to make a choice of having a baby that might not last long due to birth defects or harm to the mother. It goes beyond financing a child; it becomes a question of whats worse: losing two lives or just one that barely has a shot.

I will give your "anti" stance on abortion the benefit of the doubt by saying that there should be a time limit of up to three months and then its no turning back. At which point most of you conservatives throw out the idea that most unprepared mothers should consider adoption. I don't know if you or any of the Faux News crowd are paying attention but adopted kids are not always so happy to know that someone else is raising them (I personally know people raised by adoptive parents and they're a complete mess). Doesn't it sort of seem like permanent foster parenting? Adding insult to injury is that most parents looking to adopt don't look to American children, they set sights to China or who knows where else. This isn't of course to save the kids but rather to have this accessory to buy a ticket to heaven. "Exploitation" is the word I think of. Never mind the starving and pathless children here, you have a trophy to show off (made in China too). These are the truths that flaw the industry of adoption. That's right, I said "industry" and I might spend an hour in Hell for saying that after I die.

Contraception is saving America every day. Our rights to choose what happens to our genitals is one example of the greatest freedoms we have. And you, Rick Dick Santo' almost took that right away from us and tried to make us into oppressive pilgrims. I will not let you try to tell us that populating the country with unwanted and unplanned children is God's will. I wonder at times if you or your supporters know God at all. You know the Pope and the Catholic system (not the same thing as God). If you're still not convinced of all these facts (which I am certain you aren't) then have fun wiping your ass with our rights and the rest of us can plan on breaking all those stupid little rules, the same rules you care so much about jamming down our throats.