Friday, August 17, 2012

Bible Lessons Republican Conservatives Might Be Ignoring:

Whenever I am listening to, or reading about conservative Americans, many of them play the "Bible" card. Especially now, since so much in America is changing: gays want the right to marry, pot might be legalized soon, and oh yeah... the President is now black. As to be expected, many of the right wing that supposedly love Jesus Christ aren't to happy about all this, so they're pitching a bitch. For many of them, The Bible is the ultimate answer key or rather an excuse for their ignorance. The Bible is, as we all know, the most important and popular books ever written. So popular in fact that the biggest fans of the Good Book can't take it's contents as great metaphors; instead, they take it quite serious and literal.

Oh- fuckin'- please....
Could "let there be light" be a great look at how God orchestrated the Big Bang? Oh no, The Lord lit his flatulence and the universe was born. Is Noah's Ark a great story parable of a man protecting what little good was left in the world and those things were worth fighting for? Nope, it's a historical fact and Noah had a pet dinosaur.

Before I get sentenced to Hell...
I haven't written this essay in some liberal effort to shoot down Christianity and promote anything against God; in fact, I am doing the opposite. I would hope and yes, even pray that this entry helps real believers to challenge and question those that preach the word and live lives as immoral and hypocritical as unbelievers lead. Politicians on the right wing are constantly asking the world to respect Christianity, but how can they ask the world to do what this when they constantly act in a way that would make Jesus flip tables and cry out as he did in Matthew 21:12?

If these things don't make your blood boil then may the Lord have mercy on your right wing soul...

Is there a garage elevator in Heaven for my Lexus?:
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” Mark 10:25 

This verse might not be something you'll hear out of  Bush, Romney, or Limbaugh and  it isn't hard to see why, since these men are ridiculously, filthy, fucking rich. Those guys might think that there is a velvet upholstered, plushy, gold throne waiting for them in heaven, but Jesus (a poor Jew and what Christians believe was, and is still, the messiah) clearly said otherwise. When it comes to The Bible, it can be hard to tell what metaphor is used to describe what was meant, but it is safe to say that a camel will not fit through such a small hole.

It's even more doubtful that republicans like Rush Limbaugh, Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich could even fit through the front gates into Heaven.

Old (not so) faithfuls:
"You shall not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14
Mankind is weak. Before Jesus came along, an adulterous man or woman would got tied to a post and stoned for cheating on their spouses. When this measure didn't help people be more faithful to their significant others, Jesus took on the ultimate punishment so that people wouldn't have to spend an eternity in Hell, playing "catch the rock with your face". We all sin, and even for the most righteous men, it is difficult not to cheat on their wives and vice versa. Personally, I don't judge those who have made the mistake of giving in to the sins of the flesh and Jesus told us all to cast the first stone if we thought we were so spiritually clean. What confuses me, is when the "holiest of thou" do and still act like their shit smells rosy...

Republicans hunger for the day to chuck rocks at Bill Clinton for merely getting a blowjob from an intern. Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh, Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart and the late (thank you, God) Strom Thurmond- all cheated on their wives. Hell, evangelist Ted Haggard screwed around with MEN behing his wife's back! And these are just a few examples of Republicans that couldn't keep it in their pants for the sake of their marriages. So why are these men- who would have suffered a severe stoning in the Old Testament days- so opposed to gay marriage?

And speaking of marriage:
 “I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel.” Malachi 2:16

I don't smile often but when I do it's because Ann Coulter is on Faux News
Another question: Why do so many Republicans who have gotten divorced have such an attitude against homosexuals tying the knot, since God actually says that he does hate divorce?

Did Rush Limbaugh miss that section or just is he just ignoring it, thinking that he will never have to answer for his sins? Conservatives constantly talk of the sanctity of marriage, meanwhile setting bad examples of matrimony. 

So these are just a few examples of why right wingers should really stop using The Bible as the ultimate excuse for what is actually just their bad habits of bigotry, self- righteousness, and dishonesty. Entire books have been written about this very phenomenon of Christians not being very Christ-like and then acting as if they still have God's blessing. These publications rarely get promotion or attention from AM radio conservatives that foam at the mouth in the idea of gays getting hitched and Bill Clinton being sorely missed by many. Why not? It is a simple argument for honest consistency, not an attack against God's good Word.

Perhaps this was the very reason that our founding fathers wanted to keep
church and state separate. Still not convinced? Check out these quotes from our nations founders.

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