Friday, August 24, 2012

Things Conservatives Need To Get Used To: Obama Won

Of course, but people are asking for a lot more than that, Mitt.
In the beginning of Barack Obama's presidency the biggest request of his critics was for him to validate himself as an American citizen by releasing his birth certificate. First big hole in that idea is that Obama probably had to do that before he even thought about running for political office in the first place (he was a senator, remember?). He also attended college, became a lawyer, got married, got student loans, had children, and probably has had to fill out documents in order to prove that he was a natural U.S. citizen. If you have to give your Social Security Number to get a video store membership or credit card then it is doubtful one can become President of the United States with a phony birth certificate. Actually, genuine common sense will tell you that election officials probably ask for a lot of candidates before they can even run, let alone get elected.

That didn't stop the Right from having a media field day when Obama finally put his document out there, which they all claim is fake. And here comes common sense to tell people that all that denial was a predictable defense for the blight-wing to put up with no support. If you can't prove it is real than you can't prove that it is fake, either.

Besides that, there was fault in the whole plan of trying to out Obama as foreign born in the first place. If it were true then why wasn't it revealed BEFORE we made our votes? If the "birthers" are right, then they're also the biggest procrastinators to ever organize. Where the fuck where they six months prior to the race in 2008? Obama is now four years in office; you're too late and there is no taking back that he won fair and square (unlike the first time his predecessor ran in 2000). But this article isn't a fluff piece or a defense for our current Commander in Chief. That would be against what American Opiate is about because Obama has plenty of people defending him for his disappointing first term.

There is a real issue at hand and it's moment in the light has come (and this time, early). As of this date, Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has yet to release his tax returns and his reasoning why is shady. He also hasn't told us why he has money in the Cayman Islands. The cherry on top is the mystery surrounding what he did or didn't do at Bain Capital. What has Faux News done to help him come clean and clear his name? Nothing (obviously). In a chance to fess up he insulted our motives and intelligence:

(my comments are in parenthesis) 
"I just have to say that given the challenges that America faces, 23 million people out of work, Iran about to become nuclear, one of every six Americans in poverty (distract much?) –the fascination with the taxes I pay, I find it to be small-minded (Asking for a birth certificate after Obama won is small-minded) compared to the broad issues that we face. But I did go back and look at my taxes, and over the past 10 years I never paid less than 13 percent. I think the most recent year is 13.6 (I paid more and make money that you use as toilet paper) or something like that." ("or something like that?" what the fuck, Mitt- get your facts straight.). -from the Washington Post.

And when Mitt does pay up, will Faux and the conspiracy nuts deny it?
Will Donald Trump -who heckled Obama to release his birth certificate- beg on the Faux and Friends show for Mitt to be a sport? Don't hold your breath. But why not? Wouldn't Donald prefer an honest businessman to run the country and not a slimy prick with shady morals and awful hair? Never mind. Wouldn't Faux want to show that it's fair and balanced by asking Mitt to just be honest about how he got to be so successful and what he stands to gain if President? Fat chance.

Hypocrisy runs deep in politics and if you're going to be running the country then our public figures need to follow through when the masses make a request. Obama came clean and the Right put themselves in total denial in response.What does that say about America and the Republicans? Most Americans have to provide 5 years worth of tax returns, credit reports, and all our financial information just to get a mortgage. It is clear that if Mitt wants to live in the White House, he should fork over the papers.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Friday, August 17, 2012

Bible Lessons Republican Conservatives Might Be Ignoring:

Whenever I am listening to, or reading about conservative Americans, many of them play the "Bible" card. Especially now, since so much in America is changing: gays want the right to marry, pot might be legalized soon, and oh yeah... the President is now black. As to be expected, many of the right wing that supposedly love Jesus Christ aren't to happy about all this, so they're pitching a bitch. For many of them, The Bible is the ultimate answer key or rather an excuse for their ignorance. The Bible is, as we all know, the most important and popular books ever written. So popular in fact that the biggest fans of the Good Book can't take it's contents as great metaphors; instead, they take it quite serious and literal.

Oh- fuckin'- please....
Could "let there be light" be a great look at how God orchestrated the Big Bang? Oh no, The Lord lit his flatulence and the universe was born. Is Noah's Ark a great story parable of a man protecting what little good was left in the world and those things were worth fighting for? Nope, it's a historical fact and Noah had a pet dinosaur.

Before I get sentenced to Hell...
I haven't written this essay in some liberal effort to shoot down Christianity and promote anything against God; in fact, I am doing the opposite. I would hope and yes, even pray that this entry helps real believers to challenge and question those that preach the word and live lives as immoral and hypocritical as unbelievers lead. Politicians on the right wing are constantly asking the world to respect Christianity, but how can they ask the world to do what this when they constantly act in a way that would make Jesus flip tables and cry out as he did in Matthew 21:12?

If these things don't make your blood boil then may the Lord have mercy on your right wing soul...

Is there a garage elevator in Heaven for my Lexus?:
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” Mark 10:25 

This verse might not be something you'll hear out of  Bush, Romney, or Limbaugh and  it isn't hard to see why, since these men are ridiculously, filthy, fucking rich. Those guys might think that there is a velvet upholstered, plushy, gold throne waiting for them in heaven, but Jesus (a poor Jew and what Christians believe was, and is still, the messiah) clearly said otherwise. When it comes to The Bible, it can be hard to tell what metaphor is used to describe what was meant, but it is safe to say that a camel will not fit through such a small hole.

It's even more doubtful that republicans like Rush Limbaugh, Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich could even fit through the front gates into Heaven.

Old (not so) faithfuls:
"You shall not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14
Mankind is weak. Before Jesus came along, an adulterous man or woman would got tied to a post and stoned for cheating on their spouses. When this measure didn't help people be more faithful to their significant others, Jesus took on the ultimate punishment so that people wouldn't have to spend an eternity in Hell, playing "catch the rock with your face". We all sin, and even for the most righteous men, it is difficult not to cheat on their wives and vice versa. Personally, I don't judge those who have made the mistake of giving in to the sins of the flesh and Jesus told us all to cast the first stone if we thought we were so spiritually clean. What confuses me, is when the "holiest of thou" do and still act like their shit smells rosy...

Republicans hunger for the day to chuck rocks at Bill Clinton for merely getting a blowjob from an intern. Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh, Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart and the late (thank you, God) Strom Thurmond- all cheated on their wives. Hell, evangelist Ted Haggard screwed around with MEN behing his wife's back! And these are just a few examples of Republicans that couldn't keep it in their pants for the sake of their marriages. So why are these men- who would have suffered a severe stoning in the Old Testament days- so opposed to gay marriage?

And speaking of marriage:
 “I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel.” Malachi 2:16

I don't smile often but when I do it's because Ann Coulter is on Faux News
Another question: Why do so many Republicans who have gotten divorced have such an attitude against homosexuals tying the knot, since God actually says that he does hate divorce?

Did Rush Limbaugh miss that section or just is he just ignoring it, thinking that he will never have to answer for his sins? Conservatives constantly talk of the sanctity of marriage, meanwhile setting bad examples of matrimony. 

So these are just a few examples of why right wingers should really stop using The Bible as the ultimate excuse for what is actually just their bad habits of bigotry, self- righteousness, and dishonesty. Entire books have been written about this very phenomenon of Christians not being very Christ-like and then acting as if they still have God's blessing. These publications rarely get promotion or attention from AM radio conservatives that foam at the mouth in the idea of gays getting hitched and Bill Clinton being sorely missed by many. Why not? It is a simple argument for honest consistency, not an attack against God's good Word.

Perhaps this was the very reason that our founding fathers wanted to keep
church and state separate. Still not convinced? Check out these quotes from our nations founders.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Frank Zappa

These days being conservative means protesting taxes you'll never have to pay
Don't worry kid, no one wants your fucking legos!

 and bitching about social changes that have yet to even happen and won't affect you anyways.
Although there is a chance of a Flavor-aid/cyanide cocktail party at the 700 Club.

But it wasn't always this way- some conservatives actually still believed in freedom of choice and freedom of speech. Frank Zappa was that man and he identifies himself as a conservative on Crossfire in 1986.

That didn't mean that there wasn't a rich group of camera-ready right-wingers that would favor the almighty dollar, their almighty image and their almighty opinions over all others. Those same dicks like to thumb their noses at people for merely having an opinion that isn't aligned with theirs. So in this video notice how Frank doesn't even get to say a damned thing and his detractors ask him a question and don't even give Frank a chance to explain his point. Something Faux does this with liberal most of the time.

Here is a similar video...  (a parody from Cleese and Chapman).

Monday, August 13, 2012

Papa Johns crabbin'...

 Recently Papa John's founder John Schnatter  came out of the Rich dick Republican closet by not only supporting Mitt Romney, but adding on the "dick" points by saying that Obamacare would affect his pizza empire. Or the price you'll end up paying to make yourself fatter and more in need of Obamacare.

"Our best estimate is that the Obamacare will cost 11 to 14 cents per pizza, or 15 to 20 cents per order from a corporate basis," Schnatter said.- 

Cracker, Please...

I've worked in the pizza business in a former life and can proudly call bullshit on this whole idea. First of all, to offset the 11-14 or 15-20 raise in cost, all they would have to do is reduce the amount of toppings and extras. Papa John's employees could be told to sacrifice 4-6 pepperonis or sausages. Maybe, go lighter on the veggies. The consumers aren't likely to notice. How about that stupid pepper that comes in every box, when did I ask for that shit? I don't really NEED that with my pizza, so you can get rid of that as well. Every single time that I've eaten PJ's pizza at a potluck, everyone ignores that little vat of garlic grease sauce.

Yeah, this dumb shit.
So fuck it, there is some the overhead Papa's Johns pizza that could do away with and no one would care; in fact, I propose as a consumer that I be allowed to just buy those extras based on my own call rather than have that fat and spice just handed to me. 

While I am not trying to tell Big Papa J how to run his business, or in a better case, open my own pizzeria- this latest outburst from Big Food INC is an example of something that has been in the air lately: crappy, overpriced, and fattening shit of food having some sort of political agenda. Chick-fil-a's president CEO got all butt-hurt over gays getting married and now "the big papa" is complaining that he might have to pay higher insurance rates and provide his staff with healthcare. Obviously, John Schnatter isn't concerned with the health of his employees enough to want to charge a little more or, at the very least, cut back on the crap. Has he taken the time to think of the difference a healthy employee can make on a business? I am sure that Papa John's employees make shit for pay, so the least you can do is help keep them healthy enough to show up for work. It's a Win-win, Papa.

Furthermore, America, let me ask this: Do we need Papa John's Pizza if the extra 20 cents will seriously break the bank? For 5 bucks you'll get a decent pizza at Little Caesars. In fact, your local pizzeria owned by a hard-working family probably makes a better pie. Pizza isn't a meal to be had every day anyways, so with a country struggling with an obesity epidemic, perhaps the pizza business doesn't need to be our social compass for what is good for Americans. 

And as for supporting Chick-fil-a by lining up around the corner to stuff your face with fried chicken- always know this: there is no victory in killing your health for the sake of making a political stance. There is only diabetes, obesity, a greasy film in your intestines, or a heart that will one day say "fuck it, I quit" and stop beating. Meanwhile though, keep in mind this: Gay probably people eat a lot better than you do, will likely outlive you and still get married.

Was it worth it, "cock"gobbler?

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Saturday, August 11, 2012

A (real) liberal's open letter to Hollywood

With the next election drawing near, now its time for the most pretentious among you to purchase $10,000 a plate dinners in support of Obama's newest campaign and most of us that are on the same side politically won't stop you there. I certainly couldn't afford to hand him such support and wouldn't even if I could; Barack needs to win votes based on his 4 year resume, not his rich friends of tinsel town. Personally, I think his chances look better every time Mitt speaks.

Thanks for helping Barack, if he hasn't thanked you already. But that doesn't mean you all still don't piss me off occationally. It's not that I don't appreciate all your hard work as entertainers, but most of the entertainment business needs a reality check.

I am referring to the actors, producers, directors, some writers, and let's not forget those musicians that pump out the same thoughtless crap year after year.  You contribute to entertaining me as my temporary escape from a cruel reality that I face every day on an income that most of you could use to wipe your ass. The end result most of the time is artless movies and music. For example: you remade fucking Spiderman and it was barely a decade old! Eat my ass! I gave you my box office support in 2002 and liked it the first time, so that's all you're getting out of me.

So with all my personal irks of bad decision making in regard to whatever you expect me to see or listen to out of the way, I need to give you my first point. Many leftists like myself are getting a bit tired of you pretending you give a shit... about anything. Every damn time I turn on the TV and Hollywood is showing us its charitable side, I can only the see the smugness of people that have it so easy. Bono could cut a check and buy groceries for starving kids from his yacht, Madonna should give up her limo if she cares about global warming and take a fucking bus, and if Lady Gaga wants to make a pro-gay marriage statement, she can just say so without looking like a fool in a dress made of raw meat. Bono knows some people that could've eaten that meat. There is a world that needs genuine help- it is not a time for free publicity.

If it hasn't been made clear yet, then I will tell you as plain as I can: whenever celebrities make a social or political stance, the message either misses the point, is insincere. confusing, unclear, or looks like a blatant PR stunt. The issues at hand in politics affect people in the real world and maybe being in Hollywood is like being in Oz, but no matter what happens in Washington, actors and pop musicians have little to worry about. If the world ended tomorrow, your spot on any ark to save humanity is more guaranteed than mine.

So please quit saying that you're on our side and get off your soapbox, 'cause the box you stand on is a lot more expensive than the one I have to use. I don't have the millions to support the ideas I find sound, all I can do is write this blog, vote, and pray that leaders put in place don't sell my dreams to China. If you want to make a difference, then be honest, clear, and generous without being pompous douchebags or otherwise stick to your profession- entertaining.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Law and Disorder: Does the one create the other?

Throughout America's 236 plus history, laws have been proposed, passed, enforced, changed and/or repealed. Most of our laws make perfect sense to have like not killing people, not stealing, not having sex with kids or people who say "No thanks, you're ugly.". There are, of course, laws that are ridiculous and unenforceable wastes of time and resources. For example, in Florida it is illegal to sell your children; apparently that must have been a problem. A lot has been written about our country's dumbest laws, and most of this material is best left for the Hallmark book section to be given as a gift to your politically up to speed grandfather on his birthday. If you want an even more expansive list of American wastes of time made into laws then go for GOOGLE .

Politicians on the hill and/or over the hill have been trying to past for 2 centuries as a means of controlling the public or in efforts to appease the masses that voted them into office. While most lawmakers are simply reacting to a situation that requires stiff and decisive action most of the time they're only making a biased statement against something they find wrong based only on opinions. Every year, millions of taxpayer dollars are wasted on the writing, voting, passing and enforcement of rules that were made only because a small group of people found something offensive.

Other laws are made because major smear campaigns are conducted when certain interests were threatened. If you haven't noticed big business loves making laws in good order to keep laughing to the bank. Anyone that is someone in America knows that William Randolph Hearst ran the charge to make Marijuana illegal because hemp would have been an inexpensive source to make paper, and that would have killed his profits in the timber business. He won because-as we all know- money talks and bullshit walks.

To this day, a man sitting on his ass all day, doing bong hits and watching cartoons is an immoral threat to society... keep telling yourself that and it might become true. 

Politicians and religious groups take the cake in the proposal of some of the most nonsense and unjust laws ever. When political figures make laws its rarely to protect and serve. Even worse, most of the laws made never create jobs and actually are financial and moral black holes. Don't believe me? Then just Wiki "Prohibition" and read about how the moral majority helped the growth of the mob. Everything in our constitution is centered around expanding the freedom of the greatest country in the world EXCEPT for Prohibition. Imagine in the 1920's looking at our amendments and suddenly seeing the inconsistency of the Volstead Act; you can say whatever you want and shoot guns but don't drink.

So with the Religious right-wing constantly on the offense against your free will and happiness, I choose to make a few points to better inform the world of the possible consequences of creating such laws. What kind of laws you might ask? Let us explore this.

Alabama lawmaker, hard at work
 You can't buy a dildo in 'Bama:
Believe it or not the state of Alabama you can't sell sex toys or purchase them. The state were women could probably use them most because their husbands are likely oppressive, redneck assholes. The law actually forbids pleasure, the kind of pleasure that harms no one, creates children and keeps couples together. If the sole purpose of a dildo was to shove it into the ass of an unsuspecting person against their will, I would understand- but we all know that is not the case. Alabama: still a host of "white only" proms and social events also takes the liberty of deciding how you have sex, even when you're alone.

New York: home of the slightly smaller Big Gulp: 
Announced recently, New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg, wants to place a ban on sodas that are sized 16 ounces or larger. No shit, people; this is real. While so far, the law has not been passed as of yet, all that would have to be done is for someone to cry out "public health" and viola, the 7-11 staple becomes illegal. I really don't care to go into all the reasons as to why such a proposal was even considered because I value my personal sanity. New York with all of its homelessness, muggers, pimps, crackwhores, escorts, drug dealers, and $2,500 studio apartments, yet, somehow the giant, bladder-busting soda will destroy the city. What-the-fuck-ever.

Does anyone have a gym sock and a roll of tape?
Michelle Bachmann's deep throat:
Its no secret that "old crazy eyes" Michelle Bachmann is a bat-shit insane conspiracy theorist. Currently she is trying to throw a middle eastern woman under the bus, accusing her of being a member of the Muslim Brotherhood because... she's brown, and Bachmann really doesn't need the facts. Along with being incredibly stupid, she also promised to ban pornography.

and now it is time for...

Life? Liberty? Pursuit of happiness?
What are you a liberal?
Arguing against Gang-Banners:
Now this is a subject all in itself, as porn has been on the docks for banning since the first caveman drew a picture of him and his cave gal fucking on a cave wall in the year "1". Watching people do God's funnest activity is the reason most people have sex. Its not immoral, its good advertising.

The day porno becomes illegal is the day that all federal regulation on the art goes away. Currently, in order to produce porn there are rules: the actors and models must be 18 and you cannot portray them as younger. The performers also can't pretend they're being raped or actually be getting raped on camera. And lets not forget that you cannot film the porn stars pleasuring animals. Some of these rules are bent by many porn companies and they suffer consequences for breaking those laws.  Point is, the legit porn industry is thriving and not going away, there are too many closet case perverts in politics and churches that are supporting the art.

So if and when porn gets made illegal, the black market will catch up in short order. I don't know if you're aware, but the black market of ANY industry follows no codes, rules, or laws. The black market porn industry will rape children and record it with no second thought and those who put the laws of banning pornography in place will be partly responsible for this.

If you choose not to believe me then consider this: Pot is illegal... still, and guess what: People can obtain it easier than they can buy beer. Pot dealers do not ask for ID's, and won't refuse you if you are already stoned. Ganja sellers pay no taxes for sales and operate everywhere regardless of who is president or what proposals get signed into law. People smoke pot every day and as long as they don't get caught by the pigs, they'll continue to do so.

Its clear to see: ban something, and then anything goes- so the problem actually gets worse.

We don't need more laws, the ones that are the most important are already established, like not killing, raping or stealing. We also don't need to enforce a law on the size of a fucking soda because its is a total waste of taxpayer dollars. I, as well as millions of Americans are sick to our back teeth of getting parking tickets while real criminals continue to make meth, molest kids, and murder the innocent. Real crooks on Wall Street and in Washington are getting away with illegally depleting our resources, but apparently that isn't as bad as smoking a harmless plant that makes you hungry, happy, and sleepy.

If you are offended by porn, violence on TV, or Howard Stern jerking it on the radio, then why not exercise the most important freedom we have and change the fucking channel. Don't waste our money and time on stupid laws that eventually get disobeyed.

So to conclude this piece, heed my words and please think before you vote. Because there are some people  out there that even want to ban the simple and natural act of jacking off, and if you're begging for me to prove it- then check out this totally "not a witch" conservative try to make you feel bad about waxing your carrot:

If God didn't want you to do it, he would have made your arms shorter

If this video doesn't work, then ridiculous SOPA laws went into effect and my point was further proven.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Google Censors Blogger!

I just received an email from Google,
My comments are written in bold parenthesis. 

This is a warning email to alert you that there is action required to bring your AdSense account into compliance with our AdSense program policies. We’ve provided additional details below, along with the actions to be taken on your part.

Affected website:

Example page where violation occurred:

Action required: Please make changes to your site within 72 hours.

Current account status: Active

(Like the kind I am feeling right now!) explanation

(OR REALITY) : As stated in our program policies, AdSense publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with violent or disturbing content, including sites with gory text or images.  More information about this policy can be found in our help center ( ).

How to resolve:

If you received a notification in regards to page content, please either remove the content from your site or remove ads from the violating pages. If you received a notification in regards to the way ads are implemented on your site, please make the necessary changes to your implementation. We will automatically review the site again after 72 hours. You do not need to contact us if you make changes. Please be aware that if changes are not made within the required time frame, ad serving will be disabled to the affected website listed above.

Additionally, please be aware that the URL above is just an example and that the same violations may exist on other pages of this website or other sites that you own. To reduce the likelihood of future warnings from us, we suggest that you review all your sites for compliance. For more information regarding our policy warning notifications, visit our Help Center:

We thank you in advance for your cooperation
(You're so very welcome.).  
The Google (M)AdSense Team

To my readers, critics, fans or those simply passing through: If you think you are living in a free country then you are sadly mistaken. I was recently served this email from Google regarding my recent post about the Westboro Baptist Church about an hour ago. I really don't give two shits if Google suspends my adsense account for this website because in case you were wondering, IT DOESN'T PAY SQUAT! So to whoever reported me for having a picture of a occupy protester with his face bleeding from a fucking pig beating him up, just always understand this: YOU are the problem with America.

I didn't start this website to make a profit or throw any one group under the bus. American Opiate was an "I call bullshit" reaction to a world gone mad and an exercise of the most important amendment in our Constitution: The FIRST one! If my articles offend you then comment on each piece at the end or just move on to another blog. If Google wants me to further censor my work, I will take all my articles to another place where I am not stifled by pussies. Until then, I will keep my postings uncut.